Coping with the loss of a pet: A compassionate guide to grieving and healing

When a beloved pet dies, the grief can feel as deep and overwhelming as losing a human family member. For many people, pets are not "just animals”, they’re companions, confidants, and cherished members of the family. They witness our everyday lives, offer unconditional love, and become entwined in the very fabric of our emotional world. So when the time comes to say goodbye, it can feel as though a piece of us is missing.

Yet, in a society that often underestimates pet bereavement, many grieving owners find themselves struggling in silence, feeling isolated, confused, or even ashamed of the intensity of their emotions. If you’re navigating the loss of a dog, cat, or another beloved animal, your grief is valid, and you’re not alone. Understanding why pet loss hurts so much, how long it might take to heal, and whether your feelings are “normal” can be the first step toward finding comfort in the most painful of times.

Whether you're grieving a recent loss or supporting someone through theirs, this guide offers gentle, practical support for navigating the emotional journey that follows the death of a pet. From understanding why the loss feels so profound to strategies that may help you cope and heal, this article is here to walk beside you in your grief.

Why does losing a pet hurt so deeply?

The grief that follows losing a pet is often underestimated by others—but the bond between humans and animals can be as strong as any human relationship. In fact, psychologists have found that the emotional pain of pet loss can mirror the grief experienced after the death of a close relative.

Here’s why:

• Unconditional love and emotional safety

  Pets love us without judgment. They don’t care about our flaws, our appearance, or our successes. A dog wagging its tail at the door or a cat curling up beside us on a hard day can provide comfort in a way that’s pure and uncomplicated. Losing that consistent source of emotional support can create a profound void.

  
  

• Routine and presence

  Pets are part of our daily rhythm—from morning walks to feeding times to shared moments of rest. Their absence is not just emotional, it’s physical. You might find yourself instinctively checking for them in their favourite spot or reaching for a leash that’s no longer needed. This disruption to routine can trigger a deep sense of disorientation and sadness.

  
  

• Connection without words

  Pets communicate with us in unique, nonverbal ways. They respond to tone, mood, and movement. They often become attuned to our emotional needs and provide silent support in difficult times. When that silent, soothing presence disappears, the silence can feel deafening.

  
  

• The circumstances of loss

  Grief can also be complicated by the way a pet dies. Whether it’s sudden, due to illness, or following the difficult decision to euthanise, the circumstances can leave owners struggling with guilt, “what if” questions, and lingering distress. Even when the decision is made out of love and compassion, it can feel emotionally complex.

When that presence suddenly disappears, it creates a painful void, and one that often isn’t fully recognised by wider society. The loss of a family pet can deeply affect every member of a household, and yet pet bereavement is often minimised or misunderstood.

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

Is it normal to grieve when a pet dies?

Absolutely. It is completely normal to experience grief after the death of a pet. In fact, many mental health professionals now recognise pet bereavement as a legitimate form of grief that deserves the same compassion, validation, and support as any other loss.

The grief you feel may include:

• Sadness: A deep sense of sorrow and the loss of their presence.

• Anger or guilt: Especially if the pet’s death was sudden or if you had to make a euthanasia decision.

• Loneliness: The home may feel emptier, quieter, and emotionally hollow.

• Disbelief or shock: Particularly in the early days, it may feel surreal that they’re gone.

• Disruption of identity: For many, being a pet owner is part of who they are—losing that role can shake your sense of self.

Some people may cry openly and seek comfort from others. Others may feel numb, distracted, or overwhelmed. There is no “correct” way to grieve, and each person’s experience is shaped by their bond with the animal, past experiences with loss, and overall mental health.

You may also find that not everyone understands your grief. Friends or colleagues might offer well-meaning but dismissive comments like “it was just a dog” or “you can always get another cat.” These remarks can compound the pain by making you feel unseen or invalidated. Surrounding yourself with people, or professionals who understand the significance of pet loss, can be vital.

You are not alone

Grieving the death of a pet is a deeply personal experience, and no two people will walk the same path. What’s most important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel, without shame or self-judgment. Whether your pet was by your side for a few months or many years, your bond mattered. Your grief is a reflection of that love.

In the sections that follow, we’ll explore practical ways to cope with pet loss, how to support children or other family members, and when to seek additional help if your grief feels too heavy to carry alone.

How to cope with the loss of a pet: Practical strategies for healing

When your pet dies, it can feel like life has been turned upside down. The depth of grief may take you by surprise, especially when your routine, home life, and emotional landscape all shift at once. While no advice can take away the pain, there are ways to support yourself as you navigate this profound loss.

1. Allow yourself to grieve fully

It’s natural to want to “stay strong” or push past the pain, especially if those around you don’t fully understand the depth of your loss. But bottling up emotions can delay healing and even lead to complicated grief.

Let yourself cry. Talk about your pet. Write down what you’re feeling. If anger or guilt arises—especially around euthanasia decisions—acknowledge those emotions too. Grief is not linear, and there’s no wrong way to feel. Coping with grief when a pet dies requires patience and self-compassion.

Tip: Consider journaling each day, even if just for a few minutes. It can help release overwhelming emotions and track how your grief evolves over time.

2. Create a memorial or ritual

Honouring your pet’s life can provide a sense of closure and help you begin to process the loss. Simple acts of remembrance give your grief a place to go—and can turn pain into reflection.

Some ideas include:

• Lighting a candle at a specific time each day

• Creating a memory box with photos, a collar, or favourite toy

• Planting a tree or flowers in your pet’s honour

• Writing them a goodbye letter

• Holding a small farewell ceremony with family or close friends

These rituals help mark the importance of their life—and their loss—in a way that feels real and meaningful. Many grieving pet owners find comfort in these personal memorials, which honour the love and connection they shared.

3. Talk to someone who understands

You might find that some people don’t “get it”—and their attempts to comfort you feel hollow. Seek out others who understand the bond between humans and animals.

This could include:

• Close friends or family who knew your pet well

• Pet loss support groups, often available online or locally

• A trained therapist or counsellor, especially one experienced in bereavement

• Veterinary grief support lines, which are sometimes offered by local vets or pet charities

Realise this: You don’t need to justify your grief. The pain you feel is a measure of your love—and that deserves to be heard. If you’re looking for professional support, consider searching for pet loss counselling in your area.

4. Maintain a gentle routine

After the loss of a pet, your daily routine may feel fractured. The absence of walks, feeding times, or bedtime cuddles can leave hours of silence where there used to be companionship.

Try to:

• Get up at a regular time

• Spend time outdoors, even briefly

• Prepare simple, nourishing meals

• Set small goals—like going to the shop or calling a friend

Keeping a light structure in your day can support your emotional resilience and help reduce feelings of emptiness or chaos. When coping with the death of a pet, even small daily rituals can help anchor your grief.

5. Express yourself creatively

For some people, grief lives in the body, not just the mind. Finding ways to express emotion non-verbally can be deeply healing.

Try:

• Drawing, painting, or collage

• Writing poetry or a memory story about your pet

• Creating a photo album or digital slideshow

• Making a piece of jewellery or art in their memory

You don’t have to be “artistic” to benefit. The goal is to give your grief a creative outlet. These activities can be especially powerful when coping with pet bereavement after the sudden death of a dog or cat.

6. Look after your physical health

Grief doesn’t just affect our minds—it can affect sleep, appetite, and energy levels too. You might feel exhausted one day and restless the next.

Try to:

• Stay hydrated

• Eat balanced meals (even if your appetite is low)

• Move your body in gentle ways—walks, stretching, or yoga

• Rest when you need to, without guilt

Being kind to your body during this time can also support your emotional recovery. Looking after yourself physically is one of the most important steps in coping with grief after losing a pet.

7. Consider whether—and when—to get another pet

Many grieving pet owners ask: “Should I get another pet?”

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people feel ready within weeks; others need months or years. You might feel conflicted, guilty for “replacing” your pet or worried you won’t bond with another.

Take your time. It’s okay to wait until you feel emotionally ready, and it’s okay to decide not to get another pet at all. Your grief needs space first. Any future animal will never be the same, but it might one day be just as loved.

If you're considering another dog after your dog passed away, remember: grief and readiness are different timelines.

8. Know when to seek extra support

Grief is a natural response, but sometimes it can become overwhelming, especially if it brings up past trauma, depression, or anxiety. You might benefit from extra help if you’re:

• Unable to eat or sleep for extended periods

• Experiencing panic attacks, numbness, or despair

• Feeling guilty or ashamed about the way your pet died

• Struggling with day-to-day functioning

Pet loss counselling is available through some mental health services, therapists, and veterinary networks. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’re “not coping”—it means you’re honouring your grief by giving it space to heal.

A gentle reminder

Your grief is a reflection of love. The time you spent with your pet mattered - every walk, cuddle, and quiet moment. While the pain may never fully go away, it will soften. With time, you may find peace not in forgetting your pet, but in remembering them with gratitude.

Helping children cope with the loss of a family pet

For many children, the death of a pet is their first experience of loss. It can be confusing, frightening, and deeply upsetting. Pets are often seen by children as siblings, playmates, or protectors. When that bond is suddenly broken, they may struggle to understand what’s happened or express how they feel.

Here’s how you can help them grieve in a healthy and supported way.

1. Be honest, but age-appropriate

It can be tempting to use euphemisms like “put to sleep” or “gone away,” but these can create more confusion—especially for younger children. Speak gently, but clearly:

• “Our dog was very sick, and he died today. That means his body stopped working, and he’s not coming back.”

• “We had to help our cat die peacefully, because she was suffering and we didn’t want her to hurt anymore.”

Avoid overloading them with detail, but don’t be afraid to use the word “death” or “died.” Children benefit from clear explanations that help them process the permanence of the loss.

2. Let them grieve in thier own way

Children may not show grief the same way adults do. Some may cry or ask questions repeatedly. Others may seem unaffected, want to play, or avoid the topic altogether. These responses are all normal.

Encourage them to:

• Draw pictures or write stories about their pet

• Create a memory jar with shared moments or messages

• Attend a goodbye ceremony or light a candle together

• Keep a photo of their pet in their room if they’d like to

Reassure them that it’s okay to be sad, angry, or even relieved—especially if the pet had been unwell. Help them name and validate those feelings.

3. Reassure them about death and safety

Younger children, especially under the age of 7, may worry that death is contagious—or that they or you might die next. Reassure them:

• “Pets usually don’t live as long as people do.”

• “We’re all healthy right now, and you’re safe.”

Keep communication open. Let them return to the topic when they’re ready, even weeks or months later.

When to seek professional help

While grief is a normal, natural process, it can sometimes develop into prolonged or complicated grief, especially if the loss triggers past trauma, emotional isolation, or unprocessed guilt.

You may want to consider professional help if you or your child:

• Can’t function in daily life weeks after the loss

• Feel intense guilt or shame you can’t shake

• Avoid places, routines, or thoughts that remind you of your pet

• Experience sleep issues, depression, or social withdrawal

• Find yourself stuck in anger or numbness for long periods

Grief counselling or talking therapy can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to explore what you’re going through. Some therapists specialise in pet bereavement, and many offer support online or by phone.

If you're in the UK and looking for pet loss support, consider local services offering grief counselling for pet owners. Many clinics also offer virtual appointments, making support more accessible. At Schoen Clinic Chelsea we have a wonderful team of caring mental health specialists available, offering appointments in as little as 24 hours.

You can also contact:

• Your GP or mental health service for referral

• Veterinary clinics, which may offer local support group information

• Charities like Blue Cross (UK), which run pet loss helplines

Moving forward with love and memory

Your grief may soften with time, but the love you had for your pet will always remain. Some people find healing in creating a permanent memorial or tribute, such as:

• A personalised photo book

• A custom pawprint or painted stone

• A donation to an animal rescue in your pet’s name

• Adopting another animal—only when you’re ready, and never to replace the one you've lost

There’s no rush to “move on.” Instead, aim to move forward with your pet’s memory woven into your life. They may be gone, but their impact remains: in the routines you shared, the comfort they gave, and the lessons they taught about love, presence, and joy.

If you're wondering what to do when your dog dies or how to help someone grieving the loss of a pet, know this: support, love, and understanding are powerful tools.

In loving memory

Grieving a pet is not “less than” grieving a person. It is real. It is valid. It is love in its most unconditional form—mourning a bond built on companionship, trust, and mutual care.

Whether you lost your dog last week, are still coping with the loss of a cat from years ago, or need help supporting a loved one through the death of a pet, this grief deserves space and compassion. Healing doesn't mean forgetting—it means remembering without pain.

Be kind to yourself. You are not alone.

If you need support, please don't hesitate to contact our caring team in London today.

You can reach out to us online, or directly via email at che-privateenquiries@schoen-clinic.co.uk

References:

• The Kennel Club - https://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/health-and-dog-care/health/health-and-care/a-z-of-health-and-care-issues/coping-with-the-loss/

• Blue Cross UK: Pet Bereavement Support Service – Resources, support, and helpline for grieving pet owners https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

• The Ralph Site – A non-profit pet loss support website with articles and personal stories https://www.theralphsite.com/

• Child Mind Institute – Explains how children process grief and how to support them https://childmind.org/guide/helping-children-cope-with-grief/ 

• Winston’s Wish – UK charity supporting grieving children (includes advice about pet loss) https://www.winstonswish.org/

• Cruse Bereavement Support – UK charity offering support and counselling for all types of grief https://www.cruse.org.uk/

• Mind UK – Mental health charity with advice for coping with loss https://www.mind.org.uk